


Anxiety and Protection

by Larry_Klaine_Stylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 12:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson/pseuds/Larry_Klaine_Stylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has very severe anxiety, and Louis tends to do things that set it off.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anxiety and Protection

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written as a prompt fill on Tumblr.
> 
> Okay, so I have anxiety, but it's nowhere near as bad as the anxiety I gave Harry in this fic, so hopefully I managed to portray it well.

Harry was cleaning up after breakfast. He and Louis had plans to go shopping for a while that morning, and Louis was getting exceedingly impatient. He was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet and tapping his fingers on the counter. Harry was anxious enough already, and he didn't need the added stress of Louis' impatience.

"Come on, Harry. You can clean the pan when we get back."

Harry shook his head, "You know I can't, Lou."

"Of course you can. You just leave the pan in the sink, put your shoes on, and come with me."

Harry sighed, "I can't."

"You can, and you will." Louis said, taking Harry's hand and dragging him to the door.

Harry tried to hold back his panic at the thought of leaving a pan in the sink. He'd never call himself OCD, because he wasn't. But he had some severe anxiety, and when he didn't get things just the way he liked him, he'd get a little...Worried.

He tugged on Louis' hand, trying to force him into letting him go back and finish cleaning the pan, but he wouldn't budge. Harry closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to keep his anxiety at bay. He really didn't need to be having a full blown attack right now.

Louis let go of his hand and he put his shoes on, and then they were out the door. They walked to a few shops that were down the road from their flat, and Louis looked at all of the clothes and things that he could buy, and Harry just sort of stood idly by his side.

Shopping wasn't something that normally gave him anxiety, but when he was already on edge, it really didn't help.

Louis was his best mate, but there were times when he could be very inconsiderate. Harry knew that Louis was never trying to be mean, but there were times when he would provoke Harry's anxiety on purpose. It seemed like maybe it was a game to him. He'd get him all worked up and then he'd calm him down somehow. It wasn't like he was trying to be malicious, it was just that he didn't seem to realize exactly how serious this was for Harry.

"Harry!" Louis said loudly in Harry's ear, causing him to jump. "Harry, look at this shirt."

Harry turned to see Louis holding up a blue and purple plaid shirt. It didn't strike him as something Louis would normally wear. He crinkled his nose and cocked his head to the side questioningly.

"It'd look great on you, don't you think?" Louis said.

Harry shrugged. He wasn't much one for trying things on in shops. He mostly just bought whatever and then wore it.

"Try it on, Harry." Louis said, smiling widely.

Harry shook his head, "I'd rather not."

"Aw, c'mon." Louis whined, shoving him off towards the changing room.

"Louis, I really don't-"

"Hush now." Louis said, shoving him into the changing room and tossing the shirt in after him.

Harry sighed, puling his Rolling Stones shirt off over his head and putting on the shirt Louis had tossed at him. He buttoned it up and then popped his head out of the dressing room.

"Well, let me see, then." Louis said.

Harry wasn't very enthusiastic about the idea. He didn't like being looked at. He didn't like feeling people's eyes on him. It made him feel uncomfortable, and sort of like his skin was crawling.

"Come on out, Harry. I want to see how great you look."

Harry inched his way out of the changing room, and he felt Louis' eyes trailing up and down his body. It felt almost as if there were miniaturized people crawling along his chest. Harry was pretty sure that most people couldn't actually feel it when people were looking at them, but he'd always had the ability, ever since he was little. He found out later that it was all part of his anxiety, but when he was younger he had thought it was a super power. He would much prefer if it were that.

"I knew it'd look fantastic." Louis gave a small nod. "We're buying it."

Harry simply nodded and went back to change into his t-shirt as fast as possible. He hated changing rooms. He never knew what had gone on in there, and he didn't really like to think about it, because the possibilities made his skin crawl.

When he was finished changing, he emerged from the dressing room and handed the shirt back to Louis, who took it to the counter. He paid for it, and the woman who was running the checkout was having a bit of a chat with him while Harry stood by and watched. He didn't like talking to strangers much.

"The shirt's for my friend Harry here." Harry heard his name and turned to look quickly at the both of them.

"I'm sure it'll look quite fantastic on you." She told him with a smile.

"Thanks." Harry muttered, his eyes falling to the floor, not really wanting to make eye contact.

"He's a bit anxious." Louis told the woman. "Has been ever since I met him."

Harry turned bright red and went to walk away, never having liked when attention was brought to his anxiety. But when he got too far away from Louis, he began to have trouble breathing. The shop was crowded and there were people all around him and he felt a little hysterical. It felt like everyone's eyes were on him and he just wanted to disappear.

Louis came up behind him, tapping him on the shoulder and scaring him half to death.

"Don't just run off like that, Harry." Louis said. "I missed you."

"I was right here." Harry scoffed, closing his eyes and steadying his breathing.

"Let's go get some tea, shall we?"

Harry nodded, and they made their way out of the shop, heading over to their favorite tea place.

"Place our orders while I go to the toilet, would you?"

"Louis, you know I don't-"

"Thanks, Hazza." Louis grinned, skipping off to the loo, their bags from shopping still in his hands.

Harry went up to the counter. He knew Louis' order by heart, but that didn't make it any easier for him to order it. He read over the menu three times, making sure he remembered correctly what the drinks were called. He then stepped up to the counter, muttering the order and praying that the woman understood him.

She seemed to, and she gave him the total. He pulled his wallet out and handed her the money, and then he went to stand at the end of the counter to await their drinks, which the woman had said would be ready in just a moment.

As he was waiting, Louis joined him, "See? You ordered tea and you didn't die."

Harry shrugged, looking around the tea shop, making sure people weren't looking at him or judging him for how awkward he was being.

Their drinks were handed to them, and they went to sit down. Louis usually sat across from Harry so that Harry could see him without having to turn to the side, because that was how Harry liked it. He liked being able to see his best friend's face whenever he looked up.

Today, however, Louis was being a particular bother, and decided to sit next to him. Harry felt like maybe Louis wanted him to have a panic attack in the middle of the shop. He didn't understand why Louis was pushing him so much today.

Harry sipped at his tea, trying to ignore the knot of anxiety twisting up in his stomach. He felt Louis rest a hand on his knee, and if they had been back at their flat it would have been comforting, but Harry didn't like PDA very much and Louis knew that.

Harry bit his lip and began twiddling his fingers, just trying to release some of his anxiety that way.

Louis tapped his finger on Harry's knee, and then removed his hand. They drank their teas in silence, until Louis decided to speak.

"You're cute when you get anxious, Harry."

Harry was certain it was supposed to be a compliment, but it didn't sound like one. It sounded taunting and mean, and he wanted to leave. He suddenly remembered the pan he'd left in the sink, and he could feel his anxiety wiggling around beneath his skin, trying to break through.

"Lou, can we go home?"

"Sure." Louis nodded and they stood up.

Louis linked arms with Harry, and Harry wanted to tear away and run on ahead to their flat, but he knew that if he ran off without Louis he'd feel more uncomfortable than he did now. He'd never liked being alone. That's why he and Louis were roommates in the first place. He couldn't deal with all of this on his own.

He walked quickly back to their flat, and his legs were longer than Louis', so the older lad had a bit of trouble keeping up with him. They made it back home and Harry ran inside, into the kitchen, and immediately set to work scrubbing the pan. There was dried egg in it, and it was absolutely disgusting.

If he didn't have a very specific way of doing things, he would have been making Louis clean up this mess. It was his fault the egg had dried onto the pan.

He was standing there, scrubbing furiously, and then suddenly he felt Louis' arms wrap around him. Now that they were home and he didn't have the fear of people looking at them or judging them, it felt nice to have Louis close. He was warm and comforting.

"Finish cleaning that and then come sit on the couch with me, okay?" Louis said softly.

Harry nodded, and Louis began to walk away. Harry could feel a bit of panic rising in his chest.

"Lou, don't go."

"Okay." Louis nodded.

Harry felt Louis wrap his arms around him again, his hands settling on Harry's stomach. He felt Louis' warm breath against his neck, and he felt a little safer now.

He finished cleaning the pan and dried it off completely. He then put it into the cupboard, along with the other pans, according to size.

Louis took him by the hand and they walked into the living room, sitting down on the sofa.

"Harry, can you stay still for a minute?"

Harry gave him a quizzical look, but nodded all the same.

"Close your eyes for me."

Harry bit his lip, shaking his head, "Louis, you know I don't like not being able to see what's happening."

Louis nodded, "I know. But just trust me, okay?"

"I don't know if I can." Harry said softly.

"Of course you can." Louis took both of Harry's hands in his, and Harry felt safe.

"Okay." He nodded slowly, closing his eyes.

Nothing happened for a moment, and he could feel a bit of panic bubbling up inside him. But then a pair of soft lips were on his, pressing gently, and his eyes flew open, part of him wanting to make sure that it was Louis.

When he saw that it was, he let his eyes fall shut again, and Louis cupped his cheeks, and Harry felt more comfortable in his own skin than he could ever remembering being in his entire life. He'd been wanting this for ages, but he'd been far too afraid to say so. He leaned into the kiss, his lips moving just a bit against Louis'. After a few moments, Louis pulled away smiling.

"Harry." He whispered. "Look...I know that riling you up all the time isn't good." He told him. "But I just...You're strong, and you won't believe me when I tell you. So I thought that maybe if I could show you by getting you upset and helping you to calm down that maybe you'd see. Maybe you'd understand how amazing you are."

Harry felt tears prickling in his eyes, "I hate that I have to get so worked up every time you touch me in public, or every time I leave a dirty pan lying around." He shook his head. "I wish...I wish you wouldn't do things to set me off, though. I hate how my skin crawls and I hate the way my stomach knots up."

"Why didn't you tell me before, Harry?" Louis asked gently, his right hand still cupping Harry's cheek. "I thought if it was upsetting you too much you'd say something."

"You know I hate confrontation."

Louis nodded, "You're right. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Harry sighed.

Louis pulled Harry close to him, forcing Harry to rest his head on the older lad's chest, "You know you're strong, though, don't you, love?"

"Not really." Harry admitted.

"You are." Louis told him, and he sounded very certain of it. "You're getting stronger every day."

"I just wish I could be normal. I wish I didn't freak out over every little thing."

"You are normal." Louis told him, dropping a kiss onto the top of his head. "And someday you won't. But until then, I'll be here to protect you."

Harry closed his eyes and snuggled closer to Louis, and Louis wrapped his arms around Harry just a little tighter, and Harry knew that as long as he had Louis, he'd be able to make it through.


End file.
